just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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