Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
