If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
