Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
