Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
