pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
