I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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