I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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