It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
