My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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