My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
