I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
