party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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