well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
