The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
