I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
