Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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