it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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