I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
