New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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