my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
