i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
