Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
