the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
