i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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