my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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