Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize