My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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