i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
