That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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