I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
