Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize