Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
