Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
