....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My life is pants optional.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
