Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
