i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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