Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
