Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
