you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
