you guys were way drunker than both of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I am morally bankrupt
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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