cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize