My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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