I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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