He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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