There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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