Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
