JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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