no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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