My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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