Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
