i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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