9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
