if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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