Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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