i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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