I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
