In America we eat man semen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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