listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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