3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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