you didnt know i had herpes?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
