Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
