I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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