okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
