This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
