PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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