Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you had me at cake vodka
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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