i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
