my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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