I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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