I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
