I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
