It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Randomize
