Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
