i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love you. Go after that dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
