i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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